Ephesians 4:14-16
What are some of the greatest needs of a pastor? The cry is right relationships. Leaders often say, “No man cared for my soul”.
Most people are attracted to your gift than they are to you. And when your gift is no longer needed, you are no longer. But you are not your gift! Your gift may make room for you, but God made you for relationships not for gifts.
You must have divine connections and divine appointments. You go to the nations by building relationships. You influence a city by relationships. There is a safety net when we are connected to each other. It is more than just spilling seed. We have too many people that come to the church just because of their gift. And they could care less about the growth of the church.
Our key to moving forward is relationships. Someone has the key to your destiny. If you never find those relationships then you will never get there. We get deceived that we are too busy for building relationships. Instead we schedule prayer meetings…
When was the last time you pursued a relationship instead of a church schedule? So we have a lonely syndrome set in and we want to die. There are people around you that need you. Gen 2:18: It is not good for man to be alone. That is a kingdom statement not a marriage statement. All Adam had was God. And he had a closer walk with God than we do. What God is really saying is “I need to make someone who is suitable for you.” Someone that is not like you! He made Adam and Eve. Distinctly different!
Find someone who is suitable for you. Find someone who is different than you. The purpose is for reproduction! If all you draw from is the same gene pool you will not reach your potential! It is like going to the family reunion to get your wife. Pretty soon your children will be idiots! Some pastors cannot get along with anyone else and they wonder why they cannot go to the next level. We become God’s unto ourselves and we won’t allow anyone to get close to us. We cannot develop the attitude that says “no one can talk to us”.
Three levels of relationships:
1. Upward: The focus will be those we are responsible TO.
2. Outward: The focus will be those we are responsible WITH.
3. Downward: The focus will be those we are responsible FOR.
The best thing that can happen to a young couple that is selfish is have a child! Every decision you make may be private but it is really public. It affects many people that you are in relationship with. You were built for connections.
I. How do you discern a relationship upward?
You can tell more about a person by their questions they ask rather than by their answers. When you build relationships upward you don’t ask for stuff. If you do you indenture yourself. Israel asked for a king. They were willing to trade independence for security. Becoming indentured will always free you from risk but it shackles your creativity. We don’t finance dreams we support success. You make the investment and if it is successful we will become your greatest supporters.
Some church planters never get over the hump because they never have to live on their own faith! They live off of a daddy who is supporting them.
Learn to ask for information. “How did you do it”? Information is what empowers you.
Questions to ask when recruiting upward:
a. Do I respect them?
b. Can I serve them?
c. Can I cover their weaknesses?
d. Can I bear their reproach? If you can’t bear their reproach you can’t draw from them.
There is not a preacher in America that is responsible to make you successful. It is not my responsibility to make my son successful. His job is to equip you and what you do with that is up to you.
Your pastor can’t promote you if God is trying to hide you. It may not be your season. If it is not their season, you won’t be able to do anything.
Benefits of this level of relationships:
a. Why is this relationship so important? Proverbs 20:5
– I can’t give you something God never intended for you to have.
– If God gave you your anointing by an act of grace then you cannot impart that into
another person in a prayer line.
– If I call you an apostle and God calls you a deacon, I have just lied to you.
Jesus did not use the one whom he was most affectionate with (John) to be the leader of a church! In fact Jesus called the assignment to Peter, the one He had the most problems with! Learn that principle Pastors! Don’t turn things over to the ones you love the most!
As a pastor your job is to bring things out, draw things out of your people not put it in them. You can’t put things in that God didn’t put in!
Faithfulness is not necessarily longevity.
II. How do you make relationships with peers?
– Seek out those who are honest with you. Don’t make friendships with people who like to
flatter you.
– Seek out those who encourage you.
– Seek out those who are willing to work with you.
– Seek out those who have a mutual fruitfulness.
If you want a $300 ministry then that is what you will get. But if you want seasoned people then prepare for it.
III. How do you pursue those who are under you?
1. Are they pursuing me or pursuing something in me? What is their agenda?
2.Learn the resistance principle. That will tell you if they are assigned to your life. You
resist them. Let them pursue in the resistance and that will tell you something about
them. Their motive will be revealed in the resistance principle.
You never know what is in a seed until it forces itself above the ground. You find out what
you got by putting it in the ground and resist it.
3.You observe their service before you commit your time.
“Jesus did not commit to them because He knew what was in their heart”.
Elijah did this to Elisha.
4. Discover what they have in regards to loyalty.
Test their loyalty.

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